On Star Wars and Boob Physics, or, Star Boobs

Time for another video game question answered! This time;

What is your ‘guilty pleasure’ game?

Hmm. Yes. Well, this is going to go one of two ways; either it’s Star Wars: Battlefront 2 or it’s one of the (frankly, many) games which let me make/select sexy ladies of choice to ogle. You know you do it too, that’s why they still make games that make it possible. I’ll represent this entire class of games with, let’s say, one of the SoulCalibur games.

I’ll put forward my case for both, weigh up the pros and cons, and choose Star Wars. Kidding! Probably!

Yeah! Blasters and hangars and clone troopers... Phew.

Ok, so Battlefront 2.  It’s really a brilliant game!  I think it even gets good ratings from most reviewers, but at the end of the day, it’s a Star Wars based shooter made in a time when Star Wars was arguably pretty unpopular, what with the trend of hating on Episodes I-III.  For that reason, either a lot of people never played it or just kind of picked it up, had a go, and forgot about it.

Not me.  Oh noes!  I bloody love this game, and I’ve played it well into owning an Xbox360.  I don’t play it online (although technically you still can – when you go to play on ‘Live’, you get taken to that great old classic Xbox live screen, all dark and neon greens etc.  But it still manages to connect!), I just nerd out single player style :)

The play’s along the lines of many other games; third-person shooter where you play one of many in a group, just a soldier in the army, ready to take the place of yet another when you inevitably die.  You’re not anyone special, you’re not the Chief, just a clone trooper/droid of some sort.  Well, you are someone special, since once you get a bit good at it, you happen to be a bit of a god on the battlefield compared to the computer-controlled losers, but technically you’re not.  Unless you take control of a Jedi.  Then you’re kinda supposed to be all up in those droids.

If you play as Boba, you're pretty much expected to awesome too hard for the game to handle. Red ring of death.

There’s also a really great mode (the one I spend most of my time playing when I’m on this game) called galactic conquest.  It’s a pretty basic strategy game in which you take control from either side (Republic/CIS) and try to conquer the galaxy.  You choose enemy-controlled planets to attack, choose a bonus for the fight (things like faster health regeneration for your troops, a Jedi commander etc.) which you have to buy using credits from past battles, and you get given a battle to play though on the map corresponding to whichever planet you chose.  Simple, but really really addictive…

Basically, I can’t get enough of it because it’s;

  1. Fundamentally a pretty entertaining game
  2. Set in the Star Wars universe
  3. (and all subsequent list entries from now on will of course essentially be sub-entries of number 2…) The main campaign follows the 501st legion of clone troopers and is narrated by one of them in that class voice they all have.
  4. At points there are clone troopers with miniguns.  Which actually seem to fire something pretty bloody close to real bullets, which is odd for Star Wars but whatever…

So that’s Star Wars.  Now the case for SoulCalibur;

THAT’S THE ACTUAL POSTER FOR SOULCALIBUR V!!!  I mean, congratulations Namco on the targeted advertising.  It’s already pretty common knowledge, but if you didn’t know, these games actually have an entirely separate physics engine for boobs.  Yep.

Ok, so really I think it’s pretty clear that my guilty pleasure game is Star Wars: Battlefront II, and that this whole one-or-t’other setup was a cheap vehicle to put that poster in a blog post.

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7 Responses to On Star Wars and Boob Physics, or, Star Boobs

  1. YOU HAD ME AT STAR BOOBS.

    /follow

    nice read – I shall now go and look at some of your other posts hoping they they are just uplifting as this one (see what I did there?… meh)

  2. nerdshirtsandcardigans says:

    boys are simple. you lot should feel pissed that’s all it takes to get you to buy something. tits and guns. i actually once did an entire project on pr campaigns ability to easily draw in the menfolk – took nothing complicated to get you to buy something – but had to be complicated to get you to keep buying it (think of regs on porn and toys).
    dont worry – my lot over analyze things so we need to be guilted, shamed or confused into most purchases. so im not just picking on joes.

    • fateamenable says:

      I’m simple? Damn… :( And yet, I don’t feel pissed at all ^_^
      I’d be inclined, based on what you said, to believe that any game/film with an advertising campaign that ran to “Tits and guns! TITS AND GUNS!” would do well, but then we’d just have to look at Grindhouse (which somehow flopped even though Tarantino was behind it), Sucker Punch, recent Tomb Raider games, to know it actually doesn’t quite work like that. Not so much simple as capable of having a bit of a joke at the fact that, yes, we really do lurve tits and guns…

  3. nerdshirtsandcardigans says:

    Ahh being simple isn’t such a bad thing. Complicated lands you in one of those chick flicks about love through a mail box at a lake house or something.
    Take no offense, tits and guns form a very tasty picture and reminds me slightly of… Nevermind.

    Plus – at least here – you’re examples failed also because they weren’t only geared toward the menfolk but also as a twisted view on the feminist needs inside all us girlies – that we just MUST slip into lycra and be a badass :) Which we do – but only at sleep overs. Duh.

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